First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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