Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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