How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
