where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
