Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
