Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
