Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
