you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
