You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize