On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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