I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize