Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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