It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
