the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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