...so i touched it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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