were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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