U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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