So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
