Welp...herpes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
