Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
