yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it was like his penis was on wheels.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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