I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
