she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
