omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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