walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
