You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize