What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just threw up on my dentist
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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