Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
