i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
