I want to have your abortion
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
