I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My dick has a subreddit
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
