I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
