She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
