can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
