I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
