he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
