Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
