How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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