Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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