her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
