im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
