i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
