Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
