i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I AM VODKA MAN
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
