i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
