I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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