I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
