Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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