I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
