Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
