The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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