Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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