I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
