My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
