my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That was an excessively violent trivia night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
