I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
