my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
