Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
