R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
