When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
