Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
