dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
