Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
