thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
