I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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