Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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