ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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