It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
