you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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